I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
