I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This is classic penis vs brain.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
