My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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