People with herpes should wear stickers.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
