The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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