By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you win again, gameday.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
