i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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