Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
