he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
