I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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