you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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