He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
