Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
