he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
