I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
