NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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