my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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