i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have post one night stand depression
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