wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize