I'm really into asian looking animals
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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