He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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