I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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