OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
