I cockslap morals
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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