I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
