I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
