Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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