this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
