OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
