i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
