oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
