Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
