If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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