So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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