i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
