just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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