Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
