I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize