I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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