Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
