What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
