We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
