found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
BRING THE BAGELS
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
