Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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