I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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