You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
