I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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