The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
