ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
