With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
