I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
