weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
