"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize