just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
