I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
