How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
