Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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