I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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