it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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