I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
