you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
