More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
