I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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