so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
