I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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