Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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