i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
why do cheetos always look like penises
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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