New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
