Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
