So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
