just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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