Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
