ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
