Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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