Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
