I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize