I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
