I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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