So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
