So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
