I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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