i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
