I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize