it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
