I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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