every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
