I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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