I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
