summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you had me at cake vodka
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
