Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
