i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
