Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
